Absences present

 

Montserrat Gudiol

I really miss all my ex-lovers, wives, girlfriends. I learned so much from them. They, in a way, were my root gurus.

I miss my grandparents, my great grandparents, my family. As you get older the ghosts in your life are all the people you have lost, they're an active presence in their absence. 

Some of my loss are still alive, but not near me, and some are dead and gone. All you can do is cherish those who are still with you, in the ways they are with you. I have a friend who doesn't want the people to leave, he has so much loss. It's his theme. I think more about how I push people away, and how I sabotage relationships, rejection and loss in different ways. I draw conclusions about myself and attack the self. Trying to be aware and not do that. People just go away, it's not your fault. Not fully, and people  could choose to accept you, they just don't and that's a human right. Freedom is a weird thing, we want to gain absolute power over the world, but we really just can't. Even jerk rulers trying to get their way in everything, the orange tinpot authoritarian kicking out a venerable new media because to trivialities is just a distraction from the true way of love.