Freyja’s Day

“I heard that when the Red Guard came with sledgehammers to break up Maitreya Bodhisattva at Dafo Temple, Xinchang, Zhejiang, the locals plastered the figure with handbills bearing pictures of Mao. The vandals left in frustration. The 15-meter-high statue was carved in the native rock 486-516 CE.“ Reddit

This is the kind of story I might hear in Zen Baggage by Red Pine/Bill Porter as he travels around China inspecting Buddhist temples. I've got his last book on my shelf, ready to read after I finish the funny novel The Sellout by Paul Beatty.

My daughter has been sick and I woke up with a sore throat but that can go away during the day, but my nose is running a little bit. Nobody likes being sick, and nobody likes to feel it coming on.

43% waning moon is above my rupa, my statue of the Buddha that I meditate in front of, my shrine. 

Last day of anapanasati. I'm so distracted. Not sure if I'm going deeper, so I'm noticing it more, or I'm more superficial so I'm not going as deep. Probably the latter. 

Biggest Volcano in solar system

I find the solar system very interesting. I said goodnight to the moon, and good morning to it. I get comfort from greeting the moon.

I had a phase where I was studying Mars because I wrote a novel set on Mars, and it has the biggest volcano in the solar system. On a planet, maybe there's a higher one on a comet or asteroid, I forget the story, I was corrected on Reddit. Anyway, that's pretty huge. Looks like a pimple. And then the shelf drops off, wonder how much dust Mars has lost into space. It's almost the size of France, close to Poland's size.

Woke up late. I feel lost without my Rumi book to read, I'm mourning the loss of reading it. I took it back to the library. What a great book. 

My online persona is Kamuka which can mean a lot of things, including lover. Rumi has showed me a sort of universal way to love, a spiritual love. Buddhists are moving away from sex. 

I talked to a woman from Iran, a friend of Mehdi, and I realized how much I miss feminine energy. I don't like the whole macho fighting for status male energy. I like to be collaborative. 

I was very distracted in my 3rd day of anapanasati. 

Rumi’s funeral

 

Rumi’ funeral was interesting because the Muslims wanted the Christians and Jews to go away. They would not go away.

And thus Muslims will always claim Rumi, and seem to want to push others away. They will not go away.

Woden Day

Gymnastic exercises from the Western Han Dynasty (206 BC-24 AD). This silk painting discovered in 1973 in Hunan (China) depicts exercises with and without weapons. It is the oldest exercise "guide" found in China and is believed to be a Kung-Fu manual.

Woden was Odin, in Norse mythology.

I ended up late, and then Mehdi sent me an email 5 minutes in, which I'm not going to check during my meditation. I've laid out timelines, and whatnot. Here is a conversion of the times between countries:

USA.                        Iran

Religion of love

Rumi wrote, "My heart is a field of tulips that can't be touched with age." He seems to apprecicate the unconditioned, which the Buddhists strive for. 

Rumi wrote: 

A fool believes the love of a bear is true, 

Yet his love is anger and his anger is love.

Rumi wrote: "Oh brother, you are nothing but your thoughts, the rest of you is merely skin and bones," seemingly echoing the yogacara school of Buddhism.

Rumi's Secret by Brad Gooch is a wonderful book that explains Rumi within the context of the times, the context of Islam and Sufism. 

The Times review by Azadeh Moaveni (Gift Article) of his book suggests he's not Iranian, so perhaps he can't really get Rumi, but I think if you're Iranian that criticism flows off your lips easily, but without specifics or what the vague statement really means. But I think Azadeh Moaveni actually has a point:

"Many contemporary translations of Rumi strip the Persian, Arabic and Quranic references out of his verse, or simply ignore the vast bulk of the “Masnavi” dealing with hard Islamic theology."

Gooch has sentences like this: “A respite from the Mongol threat was promised by their first defeat—by the Egyptians at the battle of Ayn Jalut in Syria in 1260—shifting the Muslim power base from Baghdad to Cairo. Yet for the Parvane, machinations became more elaborate, as he engaged in a perilous game of playing the Egyptian Mamluks against the Mongols.”

The sentence is evocative of a past I can dimly imagine. 

From the time Rumi was born, his family was migrating west, away from the incursions of Hulegu Khan and the Mongolian empire. The sack of Baghdad ends the golden age of Islam. 

Do I have to become a scholar of Islam to appreciate Rumi's poetic voice? I appreciate him loosing the strictures of Islam, in favor of a universal love. I appreciate him bucking tradition. I think I could sink into the study of Islam to better appreciate what he's doing. I'm not a Muslim. I'm a Buddhist. 

Who is the great Buddhist philosopher of love?

Buddhism appreciates rapture but doesn't have a deity of rapture like Dionysus, so I borrow from the ancient Greeks. 

The Brahma-viharas are the sublime abodes, and consist of universal loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Seems somewhat related to love.

Amitabha represents love.

The symbol śrīvatsa represents love, the endless knot:

Rāgarāja turns lust into spiritual awakening.

Feels like Buddhism is more specific, and doesn't need to emphasize love to smash small mindedness.

Rumi wasn't all love, all the time. One time his wife went to a rival sect of Sufi, the Rafa'i (Refaiyya in Gooch) performance, and had jealous anger (p. 275-6 Gooch).

Moon Day

 

The moon can represent so many things. To me it's a friend I look for in the sky to accompany my meditations. Every time I see it I'm pleased. I'm disappointed when it's overcast, or it's set. On full moon days you're supposed to gather with the local Buddhist friends. The monks would talk Dharma all night.

The complaint of book reviews is that non-muslims de-emphasize the Islamic aspect of Rumi, but I think it's OK if you're not a muslim, but like Rumi, that you don't go into what you don't really know about, and extract what makes sense to you. Rumi, in many ways, shucked off the formality of fundamental Islam, for freedom. Maybe those strictures feeling tight would give another feel to Rumi, but if you don't feel the strictures, you don't feel the strictures. You just like the freedom, and have your own strictures. (New Yorker article)

Love emerging from a structure, a tradition, a lifetime of scholarship, is glorious. Love smashes all the arbitrary separators of class, gender, sexuality, sect, etc. 

I really should go to the Chan center in Elmhurst to connect with sangha, but when I went a tall bald female monk said, "Oh Triratna, you have no lineage, we have two lineages." Now lineage is important, I'm not brushing it away, but so literal a mind, seemed unworthy of the deep Buddhism I aspire to practice. Love destroys these kind of barriers to love. Lineage is beautiful and wonderful. 

One must accept the banishment from the beloved sangha as the natural consequences of ethical misconduct. 

I must be a solitary practitioner from my chosen sangha. The sangha is allowed to make the mistake of pushing you away unjustly. The sangha is not perfect, or enlightened yet, but they are trying. They can't waste energy. I tried to return after many years, but hey superficially judged me unworthy. I shall not try again. They are wrong, and I and healed and pure, their lack of vision shows how impure and unhealed they are. It doesn't matter, I still love the time i spent in the bosom of the sangha, and learned so much. Forever solitary, like the great mountain poets of China. It's OK to be rejected by imperfect being you want to connect to, I shall take it as a lesson and strive on. 

Somehow I lucked on a practitioner far away. He doesn't seem to mind my quirks so far. He is young but he sees deeply. Though he tries to be casual, he is deep and committed.

I have found a new sangha, foreign, far away. It fits just right, I am forgiven and appreciated. I have not hidden my past misconduct, indeed, I lament about it probably too much. I shall work to be worthy of their love, and be loving in return. 

Rumi

 

(From"Why is Rumi the best selling poet in the Americas?" BBC)

His father raised him well. He raised his sons well. Rumi had Shams to show him about transcendent love and joy. He had Salah another friend and guide. He had Hosam who was a handsome bookkeeper and comproler so he didn't have to worry about money, who suggested people really like to read and listen to poetry. 

He had traveling the first 15 years of his life. He had education and teachers and mentors. He had enough wealth and frugality. He had wives and slaves and family and a household of support.

He disliked fame and challenged people, worked to be authentic, went places people said he shouldn't, taught people they said he shouldn't. He was kind to animals, taught others to be kind to animals. Love breaks down barriers. 

He wrote his poems with Hosam, who was his scribe, amenuesis and encourager, agent and publisher. He was grateful for his support and enshrined his gratitude in his poems. Hosam called him Mowlana. Rumi sometimes would have him dictate and read back to him the poems, and then he'd throw them all on the fire. He wrote his first book of poems in the 1260's. 

He said he was from Balkh Afghanistan, but here is another view:

"Tajiks and Persian admirers still prefer to call Jalaluddin 'Balkhi' because his family lived in Balkh, current day in Afghanistan before migrating westward. However, their home was not in the actual city of Balkh, since the mid-eighth century a center of Muslim culture in (Greater) Khorasan (Iran and Central Asia). Rather, as Meier has shown, it was in the small town of Wakhsh north of the Oxus that Baha'uddin Walad, Jalaluddin's father, lived and worked as a jurist and preacher with mystical inclinations. Lewis, Rumi : Past and Present, East and West: The Life, Teachings, and Poetry of Jalâl al-Din Rumi, 2000, pp. 47–49."

If anyone transcends place and time, it's Rumi, and you can place him in Greater Iran, or Tajikistan, Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Turkey, Saudi Arabia. He wrote in Persian and Arabic. 

Rumi seemed to grasp treating other humans and animals based on hierarchy, not really the way, we should spread love everywhere, treat everyone with love. There are countless stories of his kindness. I love stories of kindness. Love is what shatters false ideas of gender, race, class. We can only control ourselves, and there will always be others with different ways of being. Following spiritual leaders is a choice, you can legislate modesty and make women cover their hair, but you're only teaching obedience, not humility. Freedom is essential to teaching and learning. You can only liberate yourself, but supporting others journey is the greatest gift. 

"The stench of this clogged-up toilet is a hundred times better to me than the company of the anxiety-laden rich" (p.239 Gooch)

The Wine By Michael Metivier

When the townspeople

gave the teenaged Buddha

a glass of wine

so delicious he grew

to an unthinkable size

and froze into a blue statue

that shielded the town

from a wave that broke

upon his back

and would have swept away

the town if he’d not tasted

the wine and...

Absences present

 

Montserrat Gudiol

I really miss all my ex-lovers, wives, girlfriends. I learned so much from them. They, in a way, were my root gurus.

I miss my grandparents, my great grandparents, my family. As you get older the ghosts in your life are all the people you have lost, they're an active presence in their absence. 

Some of my loss are still alive, but not near me, and some are dead and gone. All you can do is cherish those who are still with you, in the ways they are with you. I have a friend who doesn't want the people to leave, he has so much loss. It's his theme. I think more about how I push people away, and how I sabotage relationships, rejection and loss in different ways. I draw conclusions about myself and attack the self. Trying to be aware and not do that. People just go away, it's not your fault. Not fully, and people  could choose to accept you, they just don't and that's a human right. Freedom is a weird thing, we want to gain absolute power over the world, but we really just can't. Even jerk rulers trying to get their way in everything, the orange tinpot authoritarian kicking out a venerable new media because to trivialities is just a distraction from the true way of love. 

I feel like Rumi was a great thinker, and he went beyond Islam, but was rooted in Islam, so you shouldn't take that away from him. If you love the breaking free of the strictures of Islam to consort in bars and taverns, of making friends with beautiful slave girls even though it was scandalous. What are you doing? they would ask. He says at least she is honest, implying they aren't honest about their urges and desires and ways of being. Sufism rejects the fundamentalism and opens up to the whole being, it seems, but honestly I don't know, I'm just reading a biography of Rumi and that is how it feels. 

What are the structures of Buddhism? Surely the reputation of entertainments of the Theravada are something to break free from. There is plenty of Buddhist music, literature that would be forbidden to the Theravada. And yet it's the strict Theravada sangha that carries forth the pali canon and the tradition. It's almost like you have to go really overboard to preserve something. 

I believe you should be as strict and disciplined with yourself, and let others do what they want. That's the exact opposite of fundamentalist governments, Christian nationalism. Society is secular, spirituality is private. Nobody should tell you how to think, you think for yourself, especially with spirituality. It's a private internal organizing system. You're allowing yourself to be hacked when you follow others. We're afraid to stand alone.

Yearning for more

I like this Rumi book by Brad Gooch, Rumi's Secret, but he mentions Rumi's diet in passing, and maybe he could back it up and give it more context where he got it. He says he ate yogurt with raw garlic and bread (p. 236). 

I often think about Amos Bronson Alcott eating apple sauce on his ride across the Atlantic ocean to England. Alcott was an early American vegan, and his realizing you didn't need to make animals suffer to survive is a real impressive thing in 19th century America. 

Sun Day

It's raining in New York City on Sun Day. 

Today my thinking has evolved to the anger that is empowering the obvious wrongs being perpetrated by the orange tinpot autocrat and his nerdy minions: Massive layoffs, deporting veterans, cutting everything in the government, cutting off aid that kills and starves people. It would be more acceptable to cut government from someone who wasn't lining their pockets, and selling offices, filling roles with incompetents. Kakocracy, lawlessness, ignoring the constitution, unscrupulous. If they would have told me in the 80's during Reagan that the USA would love Russia, hate Europe, not be for law and order, a rudderless autocracy, I would have been very surprised. We'd save millions by not allowing the president to play gold in Florida and line the pockets of his Nazi friend. Kanye is saying it out loud and people are aghast at him, but most people just ignore him. I hate my friend who didn't vote because he just couldn't be bothered. I don't like hating people. People just don't like politics, and while this is one reason why, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. I hate my own self defeating ways. 

It hurts to see so many people suffering. There are always a lot of people suffering, and the fighting back will be the silver lining, but it all just seems so unnecessary. 

How did we get here, what are the solutions? We need to understand the impact of social media. We need to support not tear down education. The right works to ruin education and voter suppression, I think more people need to participate. More people didn't vote than voted for that jerk. All the obese farmers who voted for him and now regret it are just so much noise, I can't get into the leopard ate my face schadenfreude.

Sometime you have a friend or even you take a wrong turn and go down a bad path. It's not so easy to turn the rig around. We're in the time of mounting problems. If you were listening, you heard the warnings. I tried to get people to vote, but my state didn't vote for him, so me being more successful doesn't change the results. I should return to places to influence people.

Happy Saturn Day!

Saturn was the god of time, generation, dissolution, abundance, wealth, agriculture, periodic renewal and liberation. Saturn was especially celebrated during the festival of Saturnalia each December, perhaps the most famous of the Roman festivals, a time of feasting, role reversals, free speech, gift-giving and revelry.

Liberation!

Karuna was my meditation today. We avert our eyes from our and others suffering, so for 20 minutes, I look at mine, 20 minutes I look at others, and 20 minutes I radiate compassion out into the infinite universe and recognize suffering is everywhere.

Everyone has struggles. 

Two opposing viewpoints. Rumi thought you needed a mentor further on the path to take the next step. Jiddu Krishnamurti thought you didn't need a teacher or a path. 

It would be nice if someone magically stepped forward and mentored you to the next level. On the other hand, you have a responsibility, and honestly it's a kind of dependent attitude to think someone else takes you to the next level instead of yourself. I feel like all the wisdom is out there open source. Most often gurus want to change your personality to their personality, and that's not wisdom. 

Sometimes the guru that appears is someone half you age and 8.5 hours time difference. 

Friendship and support and collaboration are essential, perhaps that's what people are pointing to when they call for the need to a guru. The person doesn't have to be better than you, you can support each other, and that is the alchemy, the secret, the gem in the lotus. 

Freyja Day

When I did psychotherapy with kids, I would draw, and parallel play, I would draw along with them. I would usually draw a Buddha sitting under a tree, and it's a little stylized, and I don't know what the Buddha looked like, so I was relieved of drawing a face. Today I stole the sacred heart from Christianity, it's really a metta heart, a compassion heart, sympathetic joy heart, equanimity and love heart. 

Freyja is the Norse goddess. There are lots of theories of why names got different days (one, two).

Mehdi and I got to connect and a talk for quite a while.

The 4-steps of RAIN are:

Recognize what is happening;

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;

Investigate with interest and care;

Nurture with self-compassion.

Trouble

 

Trouble in my personal life, trouble, trouble. Read that like a blues song with moaning guitars. 

Learned a new word: velleity: a wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action.

Learned about Gorju Khutan, a Christian patron of Rumi's. She would pay for his tomb. 

I'm not replacing the Buddha's vision with Rumi, I'm augmenting it. 

Nemesis

Wednesday

 

Can't see the moon because it's overcast, snowing in fact. It's beautiful, the trees are white with snow. I appreciate the visual beauty of winter. 

Always think of that Beyond The Thunderdome (1985) line, "You recon we've been slacking Captain Walker.” This scene on YouTube doesn’t have the line but it explains the moment. I’ve been slacking my meditation practice is going in reverse, I'm distracted, undisciplined. 

I get a lot of energy from idea, and I am forgetful, so I've slid a little towards impulsivity when it comes to ideas, I like to write them down when I have them.

Wrote new laws to meditation routine:

Go to bathroom, blow nose, and light incense before.

Salute the shrine, and commit, with mindfulness in front of me.

Don't touch phone, computer, pen, pencil.

Minimize movement, proud posture, keep eyes closed.

Other people can interrupt me, but I don't interrupt me.

Large and in charge, adapt in meditation, be smart.

Bring kindness to my imperfections and understand.

Two hours a day is not negotiable. 

I have a lot of minor unprocessed trauma, and I cry a lot in meditation, so I have a lot of defenses trying to ward off unwanted content and memories. Imagine at my age. 

I remember the retreat when everyone had the password to the wifi at the retreat center, and when we were supposed to do mindful walking, everyone went to check their phone. Phone and computer addiction is real. Addiction is when it stops being good and starts to block other good, and be bad. Anyway, I remember in the heart of a Buddhist retreat, the people who are most trying to control your attention were struggling not to look at their phones at times. 

Live by the sword, die by the sword. The Muslims who destroyed Nalanda in 1200, well Hulegu Khan ends the golden age of Islam with the sack of Baghdad in 1257.

Not so sure Hulegu was really a Buddhist rampaging and destroying cities, but his Wikipedia page says he was. 

I don't think saying someone isn't a Buddhist even if they think they are one, is a cool move. Cultural Buddhist is a slur of sorts, your family does a sort of nominal reverence once a year, has a few trinkets. Living in a  Buddhist country doesn't really make you a Buddhist, the same way I’m not Christian living in the USA, but USA will say it’s a Christian nation sometimes, and Christian nationalists are really obnoxious and not really Christian as far as I can tell not being part of that religion. I’m happy to insult them because they have worldly goals, just like I’m happy to deadname twitter because that jerk deadnames his own trans kids. 

Sangharakshita (and others) say it's the act of going for refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Mouthing the words is easy, but exemplifying. We all have degrees and that stinging critique needs to be balanced with metta. 

When the Caliph begged for food from jail, they gave him a bowl of jems from his treasury. 

When Rumi got the news, Rumi didn't join the wailing but instead had a 3 day fast. 

Religions are always stealing images from each other, here’s the Buddha with a sacred heart. I was drawing this morning and at first I thought not to do it, but then I did. Here is someone else’s image:

Today I’m listening to Tara Brach’s talk: Three Steps To Letting Go.

Tuesday

The moon has been setting earlier and it's hard to get a glimpse. This month's full moon is a snow moon, and it's Wednesday at 8:53 AM. 

I could see the moon out of the corner of my window on Monday night 96% moon, a waxing gibbous, 99% Tuesday.

There are 8 lunar phases the Moon goes through in its 29.53 days lunar cycle. The 4 major Moon phases are Full Moon, New Moon, First Quarter and Last Quarter. Between these major phases, there are 4 minor ones: the Waxing Crescent, Waxing Gibbous, Waning Gibbous and Waning Crescent. For more info on the Moon Cycle and on each phase check out Wikipedia Lunar Phase page.

The hero's journey has to enter the innermost cave. Friendship helps, shared journey. The hero's journey may have many trials and obstacles. The innermost cave is the void, big sky mind, what more is there? Koans are part of the journey, big questions. Ruminating and obsession can help a little bit but living in the now, you can also plan and remember. 

Mehdi and I had a great talk today a real coming together and sharing of big ideas about the Dharma. We are close dharma friends, kalyana mitras. I can't even begin to report what it was about. 

5 people meditating!

I've come to the conclusion that the spiritual life is about voluntarily lessening the grip of the desire for sensuality. Not really that profound if you consider that's what the Buddha was pointing to 2500 years ago (2505 if you want to be exact with his death/parinirvana). You flip the script on hedonism and epicureanism and all the other sense pleasure isms, which for me includes intellectualism, because I love me a thought. Then I catch myself and return to absorption, where thinking is in the background. 

In a way Buddhism really helps sensuality, because you really enjoy the things that get through. I had a dried plum that reminded me of that William Carlos Williams poem. Yum. Edging with asceticism is quite powerful. 

Trying to meditate 3 times a day for an hour each. How's that going? Well, Mehdi just text to meditate,  and it's 5 people meditating online! Only for 30 minutes, but I see meditating more is the solution to my problems!

Ksitigarbha

 

Ksitigarbha drawing from Reddit, the Bodhisattva willing to go into hell realms, which is pretty much modern society these days. 

Reading that after Shams, Rumi had a friendship with Salah, who was less revered because he was a goldsmith and had a shop for a while. His background wasn't a prestigious. Rumi made his sons marry Salah's daughters. The one previous book I read was all about Shams and Rumi, so hearing about the next guy is interesting. Shams may be at the center of the story, but it's quite a long story. I don't think I want Mehdi to marry my daughter, but I do sort of wish I could marry my daughter off to consolidate a friendship, that sounds kind of cool and cruel, and the theme of Taming of the Shrew. 

I suppose what I appreciate most about Gooch's biography of Rumi in 311 pages, is that it's a great introduction to the poet, that I hardly know honestly. This was a must read for everyone who reads in English. Sorry, I had to add to that list. Rumi's popular poetry really isn't understood without some background. 

The larger world is fascinating, in 1257 Hulagu, the grandson of Genghis Kahn took Baghdad. It was the rampaging army that pushed Rumi westward, and he was getting closer to Konya Turkey. The suggestion is that he ended the golden age of Islam. See painting depicting it below:

There's a parallel with the sacking of Nalanda in 1200 by Muslims. 

There's a poem, that includes the phrase "secrets of secrets". To me, that is friendship, and can't really be written about, comes from the alchemy of a relationship. You have to have great love to be friends with imperfect humans. 

I've only been meditating once a day, and with soccer and Mehdi gone, I've slacked a little, trying harder today in meditation. 

Shams

He went to the desert in a party bus, with loud music and dancing for hours. It was really amazing for him. Sepehr was with him. He's not very interested in partying, felt aversion, he was suffering. It would be easier to go with the flow. It was Jinn valley (Wikipedia). He decided not to suffer because he was stuck, and just danced along and tried to join in. 

Mahdi's been avoiding the name Shams, and somehow they were calling him Shams on the trip. I asked him if he wanted to do it again, and he said he needs to wait a year. He wasn't into the bro culture of it, but he made the most of it. He wanted silence, but it was the opposite of silence. 

It snowed in Mashhad. It snowed last night in NYC too. I talked about the Super Bowl tonight, I'm not going to watch it. We talked about fireworks, 4th of July here, and he has Chaharshanbe Suri in Iran. I told him about Zozobra in Santa Fe. He watched Split (2016).

Mahdi says 2-3 times a month a family kills a daughter for having an affair and it really upsets him. He gets bored and looks on Instagram, but he's trying to break any addiction to social media. It really depresses him.

I told Mahdi that with my hispanic wife, they would party all night, and I liked to quit at midnight, so they called me Cinderfella. Mahdi liked that nickname for me.

Fayaz Tepe Stupa, Termez, Bactria, now Uzbekistan

Fayaz Tepe Stupa, Termez, Bactria, now Uzbekistan

I love what I imagine to be the spread of Buddhism and the variety of artists who try to express their reverence for the Buddha. I like unique faces, not sure I've seen before. 

The wine is the same, but in different glasses. That's a famous Rumi quote, I think about how spiritual friends draw one out, but honestly it could be for anything, Buddha statues even. 

Revolution

So Rumi at 42, takes the turn, from a sort of traditional Muslim cleric who had an eccentric friend, to him being more mystical and eccentric, turning his back on some of the pius postures, after the loss of his friend. It's an ambiguous loss because his friend Shams left under mysterious circumstances, and people would say anything to him for money. But he spent 2 years in Damascus looking for him, and he eventually gave up. Rumors his son killed him swirling around. What to believe, what to hope. I kind of think Shams is the excuse he uses to not play a role any more, and he "goes crazy". 

Chogyam Trumpa goes too crazy, too early, but writing poetry isn't as a bad as hyper sexuality of Trumpa. I think the beats of America never had a pius period to rebel from, and thus their crazy wisdom was too crazy. I think it's cool that every tradition has a mystical crazy wisdom period where the doors are thrown open and you can learn everything, but that's after age 35 and the kids are mostly grown up, and you're having a midlife crisis, and you've really tried the path. 

I respect Honen and Shinran, who spent years as a traditional monks, to take a mystical and love turn. In America we don't have the deep traditional ways, as we patch everything together. Much crazy wisdom is more crazy than wisdom, more personal midlife crisis than path. Writing poetry is much more revolutionary in the long run than the libertine experiments of Trungpa. Madonna can love kabala wisdom as she gets older, but she was a rock star, she was never a pillar of virtue. She was putting on a show as an artist and entrepreneur. 

Alan Watts was an entertainer, he quite Rinzai almost immediately, he had not period of discipline to justify his libertine experiments. He studied Christianity to get a chaplain degree in America. Among his first teachers back in England was Dimitrije Mitrinović. People who start out being wide open and rebelling just land differently than Rumi who takes that turn at 40. Or Ryokan who while he says provocative things was mostly a monk. 

Even better Milarepa would meditate for months months and go into town and someone gave him a beer, and he would recite poetry. I'm not sure if he wrote a poem about a fantasy of that or if it was really true. If you're mostly ascetic and then went a little wild it's more meaningful than if you're mostly wild. 

Joseph Goldstein's one dharma is revolutionary, if he's ordained, but since he's not ordained, it's diluted, less meaningful. Jack Kornfield's opening up to inclusive with new age type wisdoms is less meaningful because he disrobed so quickly. I like his first book most. When Buddhadasa says there's no rebirth, it's revolutionary because he never disrobed. 

Sangharakshita's plans and methods are great, new lay sects are interesting, but it's diluted because he disrobed. He should have taken the Tibetan lineage he was offered. He went forth in India after he was released from his military duty, so he was essentially a monk for almost 20 years in the east. His order was created in the heat of the late 60's and the swinging 70's. People partied in the field one night, and then Sangharakshita wondered why nobody was in the shrine room for early meditation. He eventually gave into that and tried exploring his own gay sexualuality, and that creates a scandal and opens the door for homophobic people to criticize his order for other reasons. 

Noah Levine left the retreat in Thailand and hung out on the beach. He never really had the discipline to make it a profession, and later it showed with the sexual misconduct accusations.

Of all the revolutionaries who created new orders, I most respect Thích Nhất Hạnh. I'm not trying to disrespect anyone's journey, I'm just saying the earlier and the longer people kept the discipline, the more I respect their rebellions and going a little wild with poetry. I just like the poetry. I respect the discipline.

I fear Shams has gleaned onto the hippy part of Buddhism and not enough of the discipline. Just like you have to make friends with boredom, you need to make friends with discipline. I know he's coming from a country where strict Muslim fundamentalism is the state religion, so rebellion is almost necessary. To practice another religion is even rebellion. My point is the beloved Rumi didn't go crazy and rebel until he was in his 40's. 

For me the discipline is to meditate more than 2 hours every day. To evolve into vegetarian and vegan, at least be plant based. To simplify and work as little as possible, but not to be a slacker, but to be a hard core Buddhist. Engaged Buddhism that isn't too wild, and doesn't get you killed, like just being really kind to people. Rumi fed a pregnant dog who hadn't eaten, that kind of kindness. Open out to the hippy love for all, but realize Rumi was a fusty Muslim cleric for most of his life.

I'm still doing the full 16 stage anapanasati with 4 minutes each stage, for 64 minutes, a year after starting a the real rigorous practice. I'm going to be doing that the rest of my life since I got such a late start. My midlife crisis wasn't revolutionary, as much as at the time I saw them as giving me liberty. Liberty is really important, but it's not a license to not have any discipline and the middle way for the Buddha came after he ate his own shit, and almost died of starvation.

That's where I am on that. 

A depiction of Patriarch Fazhao's vision of the Buddha and Manjusri and Samantabhadra bodhisattvas at Zhulin Temple, Mt. Wutai

About an interesting study on meditation: by "leveraging data collected from a unique patient population: epilepsy patients with surgically implanted devices that allow for chronic EEG recording from electrodes implanted deep in the amygdala and hippocampus"

I don't know whether it's aging or what, but I think I'm very sensitive and cry really easily. 

Missing Medhi who off horse back riding in the desert.

Equanimity to me has to be in service to something and the great love is it, for me.

Moon and Venus

This was days ago. Moon and Venus.

I'm trying not to perseverate and drive myself nuts by the anger I feel about the political situation in America. Everyone in the park carries on as if it doesn't matter. My friend from Afghanistan didn't vote, even though he can. Anyway my state didn't vote for that jerk. I hate the suffering he's going to cause, and that's a beautiful outlook. 

I have more empathy for my friend who sees his government as just about harming the people. We're the same, but in different countries. 

Identifying that I'm perseverating about politics is the gift of mindfulness. I'm not going to let go of my sense that I don't like it when people are harmed. The weird thing about the Trump dialectic is that I'm hunkering down in the opposite. I'm goign to keep thinking about race, gender and diversity. I'm going to keep the hope of a positive activist federal government. I affirm law and order, despite the rigged systems, grift and corruption. I hold out the hope for the opposite.

I live in a country where I can openly practice Buddhism, go online and talk to my friend in Iran, talk to my friend in the park that is from Afghanistan, who is muslim. Yes, West Point cadets have to shut down their black engineers club and NASA is scrubbing women's history from their website, but it's still relatively free, so far. So what if Elon Musk has all my tax information. 

Out my window

It's more cloudy today than this photo taken a few days ago. 

Shams is out exploring the desert. 

I do Karuna today. Yesterday was a real struggle generating metta with the coup. Today I started with my empathy and compassion for those who are actually following politics and know what is going on and feel hurt by the abuses, power grabs, etc. Indeed all Americans and the world suffer through this. Everything is interconnected, we have an interbeing. Senators and representatives went in front of the build where Musk's team has been granted illegal access, as an unvetted governmental official, and is trying to close down a legislative elected department. Words are nice, but the naked power grabs are another thing, feels like patience is required to see the resolution of the lawsuits that spring up from this, and the slow grinding of democracy and justice. 

There are always people who like far right wing people tearing down the federal government, and I think about the pain I suffer for when my side is in office. Of course my side never really takes it to the right and often democrats are in the middle, I see Clinton as a Republican, and I criticize them from the left, so I never really stop being unhappy politically. 

Reading the Wikipedia article linked above, I read:

"DOGE employees have entered US federal buildings in Washington DC. The events have been described as "takeover", "freeze", or "coup" by members of the Democratic party and media, who claim that the DOGE does not have the authority to carry out these activities. Trump and Republicans argue Musk is acting out campaign promises of government efficiency, and that Musk's powers are limited. Musk says that it is to stop government corruption and waste."

Also, "Musk himself has been present with his team. In January, it was reported that he was sleeping at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. He was also seen at the GSA building. Wired magazine reported that Musk's team includes Riccardo Biasini, a former Tesla engineer; Amanda Scales, who worked at Musk's xAI; and two others that the magazine did not name because of their young ages – one was 21 and the other a teenager. Wired also identified six men aged 19 to 24 who have little to no governmental experience, that are working as engineers within DOGE. The New York Times reported that Brian Bjelde, a SpaceX employee, and Anthony Armstrong, a banker involved in the acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk, had both been appointed senior directors at the Office of Personnel Management (OPM). The team has been called "Doge Kids" by some reporters."

It's actually interesting to read this objective voice, away from the liberal imagination, where he's accessing social security numbers, even though he's not been vetted as a federal employee. 

"On February 2, it was reported that DOGE personnel attempted to improperly access classified information and security systems at the US Agency for International Development but were thwarted by USAID security officials who were subsequently put on leave. The group moved to dismantle USAID in February. The website was taken offline, staff were fired, and work overseas stopped. Secretary of State Marco Rubio declared himself acting administrator of the agency, although it has been an independent body for sixty years."

You have to I suppose read between the lines to see how sinister this all is. Reorganizing the government so quickly and without democratic participation, well I guess the right doesn't have that value. 

I think it is a coup. And a violation. And a railroading. But it's good to see a more objective narrative on Wikipedia. Wikipedia is a living beast, so that can be edited, this was accessed on 2/5/2025.

It later goes into the outrage:

"Musk has been sharply critical of the United States Agency for International Development (USAID), characterizing it as a "criminal organization", a "viper's nest of radical-left marxists who hate America", and "evil". On February 1, members of DOGE gained access to classified information of USAID without sufficient security clearances. Two top security chiefs at USAID were placed on leave by the Trump administration after attempting to deny access to the DOGE members, who threatened to call US Marshals to be allowed access. The organization's website and X account were also removed. On February 3, Musk said of USAID: "We're shutting it down", with Musk saying Trump "agreed"; an email from special adviser Gavin Kliger to USAID staff instructed staff to keep away from USAID headquarters while hundreds of staff lost access to USAID computer systems."

Please note I take out cites since I don't link them, see Wikipedia to find them.

Tuesday after the coup

Thích Nhất Hạnh (1926-2022) is one of my early reading teachers, Being Peace (1987) is an important book to me. The Miracle of Mindfulness (1975) was also an early book for me. He lived through a war, was nominated for a Peace Prize by MLK in 1967. He was exiled from South Vietnam in 1966. He split with his fusty sangha and created a new and dynamic sangha called Plum Village, which spread over the world. He coined the term engaged Buddhism.

I really struggled with metta this morning, because I’m furious about the coup. Musk got access to information he shouldn’t be getting access to. He’s trying to cancel a program that was voted for by the legislature. I’m calling my representatives today. I see the AFL-CIO is suing him. 

Mae Phosop, Rice Deity in Thailand, Nang Khosop in Laos (Wikipedia):

 

Gandhar statue

The above Maitreya is at the Met in NYC.

Gandharan Buddhism

I go online and see amazing historical buildings and statues. I'm inspired, and there's not a lot of that around my neighborhood. I could travel into the city to temples and museums that have great statues. 

My house has many Buddhist hangings to help remind me. My daughter notices and comments sometimes. I have a tiny Buddha in my kitchen cabinet that my precious mother bought me. 

Mehdi, my Shamsoddin, has helped me to realize I've gone through a contraction phase, an intense practice period of over a year where I'm fairly secluded. 

By supporting him, he has really given me purpose and supported my practice. He wanted me to go online a second time and talk. I said I had to because it's my job. Not in the negative sense, it's a commitment, and it helps me out too. 

Iranian divorce laws

There's a huge divorce penalty for men in Iran, regardless of children (source, + Shams). I've been wanting to see the movie A Separation (2011) and he says it's a little about that.

All the schools are segregated by sex, they don't have as much co-education. That leads to lack of experience working with the opposite sex. 

We met twice today, and talked and meditated.

Mehdi thought I was more relaxed, I thought I was more restless to cope with my sloth and torpor.

Empathy

When is empathy a sin? When you're stealing. When you're a flim flam man, a soft shoes shuffler. Whoever is closed off to empathy must be exhausted, claustrophobic, agoraphobic. It's got to be pretty bleak to lead such a closed off and constricted life. 

Anyway, I'm reading Leigh Brasington's Right Concentration (2015) and he uses the word very, as in very mindful. What does very do in that sentence. Then he uses it again as in very important. Now I think using very in verbal communication is OK because there are lots of filler words because you need time to think. If you read transcript people don't think like brilliant writing. In writing I believe in using "very" very rarely. Let mindful and important speak for themselves. Just a writing opinion I've developed in my almost six decades. 

Last night we talked for a while, and then we meditated for 40 minutes. I don't like meditating too late in the evening because it keeps me up. Alas I've been watching Avenue 5 and I had 3 episodes left, but I went to bed. It's a combination of White Lotus and Rango in space. It's quite fun.

Here's a video of atheism explained in a nutshell (on Reddit, you don't need to sign up to see). I'm an atheist Buddhist, but I do love the mythology as mythology and find it very helpful. 

My 4 days of anapanasati are over, now it's a day of 6 element, a day of Buddhanasati, then back to metta. I do 4 days of mindfulness of breathing because I want to spend equal time as I do on the brahma viharas. I often follow my breath when I'm just sitting and off the cushion. I'm often trying to conjure the sublime abodes. 

The 6 elements are earth, water, fire (energy), air, space and consciousness. Most people don't see consciousness as an element, but in Buddhism you're mindful of how the mind creates the world for you, and indeed, your Buddha nature. 

I usually wake up, drink coffee and read, and then poop, and so the earth element isn't hard to imagine for me, it's recently come out of me, it's not me, it's not mine. If you eat a vegan diet, there's a copious amount of matter that comes out, but to compensate it doesn't smell as much.

Same with water, I take a sip of coffee and pee. Don't forget fluid of the joints and all the other fluids in your body. Water flows into, water flows out of me, it's not me, it's not mine. All the boogers, all the onanism. 

Energy is more subtle, it comes into, it comes out of me, it's not me it's not mine. I tend to see the energy as mine, but you know I've contemplated the skandhas enough to know in a way it isn't my energy. There is energy potential in food. Ideas really fire me up. The incense I light as part of my meditation ritual burns and is reduced to ash. How does energy work with me? How can I best marshal my energies? Almost 60 and I'm still trying to read more and watch less TV. What is that about?

Air is great, and I trigger all my mindfulness of breathing mindfulness with that one, I'm glad it's 4th and not right away. The exchange is more rapid than earth and water. 

Space is a little nefarious, but "move your feet lose your seat" is a kind of motto from childhood to encounter possessiveness. And of course consciousness is quite complex, too complex really, but it's not me, it's not mine. Read Susan Blackmore's The Meme Machine. I try to connect and apprehend my Buddha-nature. 

Ten minutes each for 60 minutes. This dismantling meditation is a culmination of brahma viharas and anapanasati, and I'm mindful of my mood, I support myself in the challenge of dismantling myself, trying to keep a smile on the sinking ship.

In similar ways I'm dismantling myself thinking about the skandhas. This is another dismantling meditation. The goal is to be a little less selfish, more wisely sensitive to others. Egoism is important, indeed it's so important much of it's unconscious, don't even want to be able to override it. And still, with tender gentleness. Listen to a Tara Brach talk after doing this meditation.

I include this meditation because I once had a very profound experience walking outside after doing a lot of this meditation on retreat. And then I build up an identity by doing Buddhanasati the next day. I've always felt you don't need a Buddhist identity handoff, but I still like one. I don't have a guru, so I don't have a proper sadhana, but that's OK, I know enough about it to do Buddhanasati, and I like the historical person who gave us the Buddhist version of mindfulness of breathing.

This blog is a personal blog, and of course I don't really spill all the beans, spiritual practice is quite private. I talk most deeply with my friend Mehdi. 

I'm just done with meditation and Mehdi calls to meditate. I can just lay down when the aversion of knee pain gets to be too much.

Mehdi is watching The Razor's Edge (1983), one of my favorite movies.

What does it mean when I'm getting 80's pop songs running through my head. I don't panic about anything anymore in meditation, because honestly it goes away, even distraction. You just naturally go deeper if you do it enough and keep trying. 

My 4th day of doing anapanasati, with recent upgrades. Like instead of steadying the mind in stage 11, I use the word Samadhi.

It's my grandmother's (Frances Elizabeth Goodson Parks) birthday today. She died almost 10 years ago of a urinary tract infection, which is preventable, but she wanted to die because Grandpa had dementia. Grandpa thought it was his mother when he was at the funeral. Ending can be kind of difficult, but my grandmother showed me so much love in my life, I'm grateful for her. Thinking about her today and in my meditation. Everything is impermanent, even my grief about the loss of my beloved grandmother.

Mahdi said I had a chance at enlightenment in the next 20 years. I thought that was pretty kind, and actually gave me hope and something to look forward to. It's the goal in a way, but you can't cling and desperately aim for it, or if you can aim for it, it's through a multitude of conditions, not just meditation, I think simplifying your life is more to the point, and having good friendships, and being ethical. 

Wandering mind

 

We are the progeny of countless generations of ancestors who had to not become totally fixated on what they were doing. Those who did become fixated didn’t notice a predator, got eaten, and didn’t reproduce. What we are trying to do goes against millions of years of evolution. Having a wandering mind is just how we are constructed. So it’s no big deal when your mind wanders off; you should actually consider it a victory that you noticed it wandered, rather than a defeat that it did its natural thing of wandering. In fact it is extremely helpful if you intentionally relax when you notice you’ve become distracted, and then gently reestablish attention on your meditation object. The mind state you are aiming to create could well be called relaxed diligence. 

Leigh Brasington Right Concentration (2015)