Thursday

 

Today is Shams' birthday. He's such a gift himself. I love bowing to him after I ring the bell. He's tired again today, the trip to Turkey for the Rumi retreat really took it out of him. 

I lost my high school best friend a few years ago, he was born on this day. Scott Hamilton (December 19, 1966 – January 26, 2020) was a real good guy. One time his dog got my hat, and tore it apart. So Scott used the ball as a topper for his Christmas trees after that. 

He is what I wrote when he passed:

I date the beginning of my decade of active friendship to my complaining I’d been cut from the baseball team. He told me track didn’t cut people. I couldn’t run fast, so I became a long distance runner. He was faster than me at first, because he’d already had a cross country season. I missed that freshman year of cross country, I’d always wondered about that. Some guy was really good but quit, I guess he wasn’t masochistic enough to run long distances any more. Because we were pretty close in times, we spent a lot of time running together. My two best friends have spent a lot of time running with me. Scott became my best friend in high school, and that’s saying a lot because I’m not that communicative and I was weird. Phil Busse wrote, “Scott Hamilton was on the cross-country team with me; two years older, and what seemed like a lifetime more clever and funny. In some ways, he helped me form my sense of humor—one that often poked fun, but was never mean; just good-natured, and as easily turned on one’s own self.” I was Scott’s age, and I was still impressed by his absurd goofy kindly humor. We developed a dance routine where we would stomp out feet, and then run towards each other and jump up. I chipped my tooth at his first wedding doing that, and I have a dead looking tooth because of that.

We spent a lot of time together in high school. I remember hours and hours of ping pong, smashing the ball back and forth with top spin. His family car was affectionately nicknamed The Lurking Red Menace, and he picked me up many times in that car to enjoy the night in Madison Wisconsin. I went up to his grandparents cottage in Boulder Junction and ran a 5K with him one summer. One time I was talking suicidally, the morose teen that I was. I missed his phone calls because I was outside sunbathing. He came over to check on me. He was a good friend. Another example of his absurd humor, when his dog Pepper tore apart my ski hat, he used the ball for the top of his Christmas tree thereafter. His last text to me was showing me his crowning tree ornament. 

To my utter disappointment I didn’t go to college with him, but I visited once to see the Violent Femmes. He lived with me one summer, before I went to England for a year abroad and then he visited me in England. We hitch hiked to York with his friend Nick who was doing a year abroad too. We rented a car in York and drove around Scotland. One night we stayed out too late in the pub and when we got back to the hostel the doors were locked. Of course we broke in through a window and slept there. 

Last time I saw him in person was his first wedding. We kept in touch as you do with old friends on Facebook. I always wanted to go to Austin Texas to visit him, now I never will. Looking through his Facebook photos I can see he still liked to amuse people with his goofy dancing. I also saw a lot of people who enjoyed his warm presence. My parents really liked him too, and it was their condolences that got me crying about his death. I will forever wish I’d gone to Austin to visit him. Rest in peace my brother, I'll never forget our adventures.

This blog is a personal blog about meditation and Buddhism and friendship, so I'll keep going, but I think my Scott memorial should just stand alone.

Today I tried an ethical meditation. I think I'll add it into my rotation as a second meditation. I do think I could make stillness, simplicity and contentment as a meditation. It also makes me think I should do a 12 nidanas meditation.

I need to tighten up a few things ethically. Strive harder for veganism over vegetarianism, end pirating, and be more kind to people. I noticed last night that I kind of try to push a conversation on Anandi because I'm lonely, but she's just tired and wants to get home.

Pirating is so seductive, seems like there's no consequence. But it's taking the not given, stealing. I sometimes watch pirated sporting events, movies, and even Dharma books. The phrase "last book stolen," entered my head, hoping I'll stop moving forward, and I think I should just use the library, and my own personal library, and what I've stolen so far. I should just delete all the stolen books if I really care. I have enough streaming services to have a lot of movies, I don't need to steal. 

Here's the invite link if you would like to join us meditating 6 AM EST.