Thursday

I went to visit some relatives, and there were little kids and I felt like kindred spirits with them, and this poem sums it up.

Thursday has become the day my daughter sleeps over to give her mother a break, to make sure she isn't too unfamiliar with sleeping over if her mother goes away. They have a special bond and they really want to sleep together all the time. 

It's the time she tells me most that she loves me. The mother says she sleeps best with her, and I sleep the worst with her, but that's OK. I get to make her lunch, take her to school, then I have the rest of the day and the next off. I used to have two full days off, but whatever, I don't need days off, I want all days on. I gave her the Buddhist name Theradithi. 

Shams popped up, wanted to meditate for 25 minutes, before he gets onto a train later to Tehran. He was sweet, he really appreciates our time together. He said he was in a bit of a tense hell realm, the opposite of a positive sangha feeling, and it was a real contrast to our time together. 

I had basically 20 minutes left in my 64 minute anapanasati, and just didn't add on time because we talked about the time and were off meditation. He's going away so there might not be one of these for about 10 days.

Amir popped on, but then popped off, not sure why. Maybe he just wants me to himself. He's a bit chaotic. 

I've been thinking the world, culture, countries and whatnot are struggling to adjust to the fact that with everyone having a voice on the internet that everyone has main character syndrome. Maybe that's not even a real thing any more because anyway you are the main character in your story.

Started reading the first American book to win the Booker prize, The Sellout by Paul Beatty. It's quite funny, he's coming up with slogans and mottos for races. I noticed there wasn't one for white people, I'm glad to read a novel foregrounding black experience. 

It's the end of the year and I started getting serious about meditation again about a year ago, and I've been sober for 126 days, so I'm feeling pretty good. I do feel a little seasonal affective disorder. I saw a great cartoon where a woman is talking about her seasonal affective disorder and this big monster is holding her and it's labeled full time depression. Among other things, deeper meditation has helped me cling less to my depressive narratives, and gain insight into how they're just thoughts and I don't have to buy into them. The good news is I've had a great year of meditation and I want to really celebrate that.