letter to my cousins

My cousin expressed an interest in becoming more mindful. He has a 1 year old, and works full time, so I thought maybe life is a bit busy for him at the moment. He also runs, so adding in meditation might be a bit much. Why did I feel this way?

You can do secular meditation or other traditions have meditation besides Buddhism. You can just learn meditation as a nice thing to do. You might try MBSR, mindfulness based stress reduction.

I took up meditation and Buddhism after being fired, and 6 months before starting my masters degree with internships and whatnot. I had ample space and time. 

Later, I sort of went crazy with two children, and blew it all up, wrecked a lot of good things, hurt people. 

One time I was on a week long solitary retreat, and while it was wonderful, a highlight of my life, I realized I couldn't really go for it with children, and went crazy. I needed to not try so hard, patience, more support and to grow up. Perhaps I needed to make the mistakes I made, I had to since it's in the past, you can't change the past. 

Children grow up quickly and while it feels really quick, it also feels really slow. Like you're always going to be changing diapers. You're not going to be always changing diapers. 

You could meditate for 20 minutes a day. I cranked it up to 40 minutes and went on a lot of retreats, and practice days, and sangha nights. Now I meditate between one to two and a half hours a day.

I feel like the Buddhist path is you climb a mountain. It turns out that was a little hill and there's a huge mountain in front of you. You climb that mountain and it was just a foothill, there's a huge mountain behind that one. You climb that one, and it turns out you've just climbed a little bump on the earth and there's a huge mountain behind that one. You get the pattern. 

Here is my latest recommendation for books.

Here is my latest recommendation for meditation lead throughs. 

Here is a list of Sangharakshita talks.

It's best to learn face to face, so you can talk after the meditation, though it's surprisingly hard to talk about meditation experience, so you only need a little time, but what someone says to you after meditation can be crucial, and having close friendships and relationships on the path is important. 

Study, devotion, ethics, fellowship and meditation are the activities on the path. You study to learn the tradition that supports the path. Devotion supercharges the practice. I stopped going to evening pujas because I couldn't fall asleep afterwards when I was on retreat. Mantras are like prayers. Without ethics you can get your mind cluttered with lies and fearing getting caught. Friendship is important on the path, someone to talk to about the practice, to see how others adopt the Dharma to their life.

There are many inflection points where people choose different sects in Buddhism. One is the question of being a monk. To me everything slides into increased intensity and devotion, your results may differ. Theravada is the oldest school, has a rich tradition of lay people, but really separates monk and lay, the monk/lay split. 

Mahayana emphasizes the altruistic element because going for my enlightenment doesn't work, you need to think of others. 

Vajrayana relies on the guru. It would be great to have specialize individualized teaching by the most advanced practitioner. It's more like a feudal system of patronage. It's a beautiful tradition but it's not some idealistic paradise. It's easy to project onto leaders. 

Zen is from China (Chan) Korean (Soen) and Japan. It focuses on perfection of wisdom texts and meditation. Read the heart sutra, which is very short, and maybe even memorize it, and then come back to perfection of wisdom. Read the Diamond Sutra, along with other Mahayana sutras. There's a mountain of literature, an ocean of teachings. I'd say read the Sotaptthana sutta and Anapanasati sutta and begin there. But going to a face to face center solves all that, they will tell you the next thing to read, if you want, so you don't get overwhelmed.

I would avoid Shambhala, New Kadampa (NKT). I was in Triratna and learned a lot but they have no lineage. I don't think lineage is the be all, end all, and it's like IMS, it's a lay movement as a way of breaking from the strictures of traditions. If I could choose today I guess I would go to Plum Village or IMS. Do some research online to make sure you not in some money making cults, I can't keep track of all of them. 

The new traditions are dynamic and modern but have scandals and problems. Any Theravada place will be good, but might be ethnic and not invite westerners as much, and be off putting. IMS is a lay inclusive movement.

I'd say connecting to a sangha is the hardest part, and it's possible to learns enough to practice on your own. 

In the end you're watching your mind, and there are 5 hindrances. You can do that without meditation and regular life, but somehow meditation primes you to do it in your life off the cushion. 

Please ask me any questions if you're interested, and forgive me if you're not really interested.